Reconnecting with a talented girl crush 20 years later

I somehow had a vague recollection of the name when it popped up in some design guru searches--then it hit me--Athene Calderone was a woman who was my age and had gotten into a successful happy marriage and partnership with the DJ of the 90's and still going Victor Calderone when I first moved to New York.

She was lovely and earnest and shared she will start a blog on design called EyeSwoon. Of course everybody seem to be beginning a blog of other that time, so it seemed very, uh, homegrown, amateurish, a passion-project. But what can you expect two decades later. Respect the process, says the Vatican. Uphold process over outcomes, the Popes of recent and yore had said. Jesus did start with only twelve men, did he not?

Her blog, Eyeswoon, built on this mustard seed hope, has become a well-respected brand for collaborations and she, a lifestyle and cookbook author and event stager, a loved-up wife and mother who has renovated and styled eight homes along the way and her mid-century Amangasset home as well as their wide Brooklyn townhome are celebrated for the challenges they surmounted but also the warm and well-planned parties she hosts for friends and brands there.

Athena who came into her own by being a mother and a wife delighted to provide the most aesthetic and cozy environment for her family almost beat out trad wives that way had vlogging been her forte but she was of the stunning 2-D visual camp as well as actual immersive events, like seaside dinners where she coordinates a team from France to fulfill her design board and many of her executions are from intuition and natural cues, then amped by additional vignettes or sensory experiences (salt blocks name cards or lavender garlands as tablescape). It is elevated as well as accessible, like her recipes. They are stunningly photographed yes, but they also began humbly, like her sourcing her long freestanding marble kitchen shelf from Pinterest and then executing it with good contractors and architects.

But it is the life that she herself had shaped that she is most happy to revel in--the home, not the new design studio, the second Turkish rug collab or the James Beard award, but the marriage and the motherhood. Oh, that her husband and son got to attend a brand launch in her home!

From eyeswoon, the husband and wife Calderone

She writes:

At 20, I was bartending at The Tunnel, Limelight and Palladium in NYC, and modeling, studying acting and exploring all that NYC had to offer. ...But in a drastic shift, halfway through the decade I was a wife and mama and obsessed with my new role. Making my home beautiful and creating meals for Victor and Jivan were activities I engaged in with a great sense of pride. They also became my forms of self-expression. I pored over developing new skills in the kitchen and finessed and fussed over the design and decor of our nest. Very soon, I found that my home was what nourished my soul and offered the deepest connection to myself and my loved ones...

You see, Victor and I have been so much more than best friends and husband and wife over the past 20 years. We are partners and collaborators in this thing called life. Victor is a music producer and DJ. I was a huge part of each and every creative decision early in his career, even managing him early on....

We now spend every holiday at our home in Amagansett. We bought the house in 2009 and labored over the massive renovation for a year. It was our largest project to date, and the one I am most proud to have designed. This home would not exist without the many joint decisions that lead us to this very swoony spot! The home continues to build memories and is our cozy little escape in both the summer and winter. This year I could not be happier to be sharing my holiday mainstays with Goop and Neiman Marcus. And by mainstay, I not only mean my holiday recipes and entertaining tips and tricks, I also mean my main squeeze, Victor. When this partnership came to me, I was over the moon excited that Goop requested Victor to be a part of the story. He is, after all, the biggest piece of my puzzle, the single most important part of my story. This home is one we build together, as is This Wonderful Life. I know, I know, totally corny, but I can’t help it. Thinking back to all we have established together, my heart simply swells exponentially. What is abundantly clear is that a home is what you make of it—the memories—not the four walls themselves, or even the décor. Home really is where the heart is.

In 2024 she vacationed with her husband to celebrate their 25th anniversary and her 50th birthday. Her son, an NYU senior recently DJ'd for a fashion show. It is almost a happy reunion, albeit virtual, on a former name that seems to inspire me at one point--happy, even better, enduring marriages, are a major inspiration to be ever since childhood. My (and millions of viewers) social media pleasure are the riotous skits of Eva and Javier Gabriel, a real life married couple and fellow actors, on married life after all.

But Athena gave me another lesson that I could glean--do everything beautifully. God may not have provided homes to buy and renovate successfully. He did set one home to a flood which my husband parlayed with his own hands a gorgeous light-filled aesthetic also. Then He gave us a home ready to move in in the country, with historic touches, strong colors and Victorian-themed furniture. It was as if God is showing that he can provide the lifestyle without being the lifestyle guru that Athena has become--this is her gift and God knew that mine was in a different place, nor do I have the time. Maybe I could say to Athena should we meet, I have become a faster forensic doctor, a healer with Hildegardian spices and prayer, a marriage repairer, with improvements on my own and my immediate family. They are all the Lord's gifts. I claim nothing; they are his blessings to distribute.

But while the homes are already beautiful and the cooking is done healthy, the relationships is what I need to built higher and stronger. It is not for brands, but for souls, to empower them and make them marketers for Jesus. And it is to be done beautifully and artfully, not harshly and merely done for practicallity's skae. There has to be intention.

Maybe I can wish for her to have a relationship with the source of good, beauty and love which is in the Lord. It is a good life, yes, but we have to be somehow more embedded in the Source of it all. But to say it to a design guru and make it stick, it would have to be well-planned and Holy Spirit-inspired.